I think that I have an expectation of perfection and when I fall even slightly short I just throw my hands in the air and quit. It seems like it would be better if it just looked like I wasn't even trying something than if I was trying and not excelling.
So I got this crazy idea to do 7in7. And even when I signed up I knew I was stepping outside of my comfort zone. And it has by no means been easy but yesterday was a long and busy day, and a late night, following what has been a long and emotional week. And I just couldn't do it.
And I think that was good. It was good to fail. I wouldn't even really call it a failure but it was good for me to feel the freedom to not do it perfectly. Because for me writing 6 things in 7 days is crazy good. And the challenge of it has done some good things in me.
I am a creative person that has, for a lot of reasons, failed to have a consistent creative outlet. And this week of writing has given me a hunger and desire to express my creativity consistently. I think that will look differently every day but I think that it is a gift that I have failed to use. And it is also a means of worship and communion with God that strengthens my faith. It helps me to see him and I need to see him more.
It also pushed me to process some things "out loud" that I have been holding onto. I am in a place where a lot is being surfaced and I need a means to work through it. I don't think that writing is the only means to do that. I don't know that when I do write that it will always be done publicly but this has taught me that I need a tool to get out the things I am wrestling with.
It has also helped me realize that I have a voice. That there are things that I am learning and wrestling through that would help others to hear. There are truths that God is speaking to me that could be an encouragement to someone else. And the things I am learning even have a greater impact on me when I articulate them to someone else. Whether through writing them in a blog or sharing them over coffee.
I have also realized that I thought 7in7 needed to involve something profound and artsy and unique. And I think I am coming to understand that there are times that my writing may be those things. But before what I write is for someone else, it is for me. It is for me to learn and process and grow.
So I am glad I did 7in7.... or I guess 6in7. Because the goal really wasn't perfection. It was to let go of my fear and try something that scared me. And it feels good knowing I did that. It has also made me want to do 2 things more. I want to more consistently create. To not let the inspiration that surrounds me everyday sneak by without capturing it. And it makes me want to continue to step out of my comfort zone and overcome my fears. So whats next? Cooking class, karaoke, dance lessons... Stay tuned!
It has also kickstarted the habit of regularly creating, of not letting inspiration sneak by without capturing it.
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